Tiferet Bet Israel

From Generation To Generation

Bar/Bat Mitzvah

Your family is embarking on one of the most exciting, inspiring, and challenging life cycle events in your child's growth. Even though you may have shared in this experience with other members of your family, or with friends' families, this is different! This celebration is yours. TBI wants this to be a wonderful experience--one that your family will treasure throughout your lives.

In order for us as a synagogue to make sure that all your plans go as smoothly as possible, we have prepared this guide for you.

Setting Bar/Bat Mitzvah Dates
Shared Bar/Bat Mitzvah Dates
Directions to the Synagogue
Kippot
Dress on Bima
Thursday Morning Minyan
Use of Outside Vendors
Caterers
Bakeries
Music For Your Celebration
Photographs
Bima Decorations
Oneg Shabbat and Saturday Kiddush
Kiddush Possibilities For A Shared Bar/Bat Mitzvah Date
Type Of Food Served
Areas To Be Set Up For Oneg and/or Kiddush
Who Prepares The Food?
If I Prepare The Food, What Do I Need?
Who Makes The Coffee, Sets Out The Food, and Cleans Up?
Food Quantities
Kitchen Use
Deliveries
Congregants & Guests
Other Life Cycle Events at the Synagogue
Evening Reception
Other Questions
Time Line

Setting Bar/Bat Mitzvah Dates

The Bar/Bat Mitzvah Committee based upon the birthday of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah child determines dates.

The following days shall not be used as Bar/Bat Mitzvah dates:

Mondays, Thursdays and Sundays
Any day between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur
Major secular holidays, e.g., Thanksgiving and Labor Day
Saturday afternoons

If there are 40 or more children anticipated to celebrate a Bar/Bat Mitzvah during an academic year, all Bar/Bat Mitzvah dates shall be shared.
If 26 or fewer children are anticipated to celebrate a Bar/Bat Mitzvah during an academic year, all Bar/Bat Mitzvah celebrations shall be solo.
If the number of children anticipated to celebrate a Bar/Bat Mitzvah during an academic year is greater than 26, but less than 40, the following procedures shall determine which dates shall be shared and which shall be solo:

A letter will be sent to all class families asking if any families are interested in voluntary sharing of Bar/Bat Mitzvah dates.
Every family must respond and the Bar/Bat Mitzvah Committee will be charged with the responsibility of following up with responses.
Non-voluntary doubling will be determined by the Bar/Bat Mitzvah Committee using a system based on the birth dates as the Committee shall determine to be appropriate.

Families will be encouraged by the Bar/Bat Mitzvah Committee to work out an arrangement for coordinating the hosting of the Friday night Oneg and Saturday morning Kiddush (not including Extended Kiddush) on a shared Bar/Bat Mitzvah date. If the families are unable to work out an arrangement, it will be presumed the cost will be shared pro rata based upon the number of guests invited by the respective families. If you need assistance please contact the Bar/Bat Mitzvah Coordinator or Executive Director.

Use of the Auditorium and/or the new Courtyard Auditorium for a private Extended Kiddush/luncheon or an evening reception will be on a first come, first served basis. A non-refundable deposit of $250 is due at the time of booking.

If two families request the facility at exactly the same time, the tie will be broken by a coin flip.
The family booking the facility must be in good standing, i.e., not delinquent on financial obligations to TBI at the time the family reserves the facility and continuing up until the actual date.

For new members (i.e. families joining TBI after the class receives its dates):

Determination of the date of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah is at the discretion of the Rabbi, even if the assignment of a date to a new member results in a previously solo Bar/Bat Mitzvah being shared.
If the facility has not yet been booked by the other family, then refer to the procedures as described above to reserve the appropriate rooms.

The Rabbi and the Cantor will determine participation in the service by the Bar/Bat Mitzvah child and family.

THE INITIAL ASSIGNMENT OF A SOLO BAR/BAT MITZVAH DATE SHALL NOT AT ANY TIME PRECLUDE THE ASSIGNMENT OF THAT DATE TO AN ADDITIONAL FAMILY TO SHARE.

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Directions to the Synagogue

Available in the office are directions to the Synagogue. Please feel free to pick up a copy.

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Kippot

Many families supply special kippot for the Saturday morning service that are printed with the child's name and date. If you choose to do the same, bring them on Friday, before 3:00 PM, and we will put them in a lovely basket and place them on the table at the entrance to the sanctuary on Saturday morning. For your convenience they can be ordered through our own Judaica Shop. Allow 6 to 8 weeks for delivery, so order early. Other items are also available through the shop. Stop in while your child is in Hebrew School either Tuesday afternoon or Sunday morning. Someone will be happy to show you all the special items to help enhance your Bar/Bat Mitzvah celebration.

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Dress on Bima

Proper dress is required for everyone on the Bima. This includes head covering for males and females, female's shoulders must be covered. This includes the dress for the Bat Mitzvah girl. Males are expected to wear tallit. Please remind any of your guests who will be participating in the service of this requirement.

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Thursday Morning Minyan

Your child will participate in the 7:30 AM Minyan the Thursday morning previous to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah date. Ten adults (including the Bar/Bat Mitzvah) must be present. (A representative from TBI will contact you with respect to the number of adults.) The family provides simple refreshments such as juice, bagels, pre-packaged spreads and milk or cream. We provide the coffee, tea and paper goods. All food and beverages must be identified as Kosher. We suggest ordering the bagels and pre-packaged spreads from Manhattan Bagels. DO NOT PRESLICE THE BAGELS.

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Use of Outside Vendors

If you are planning to use outside vendors such as a photographer, videographer, band, D.J., decorator/florist, the Bar/Bat Mitzvah Coordinator must be given the name, address and contact person for each firm. Since the synagogue must have a valid Certificate of Insurance on file for each vendor you are using, we send notification to each of them prior to your celebration. If liability and workers compensation insurance is not carried, these vendors may not work at TBI. If you have further questions regarding this policy, please call the Bar/Bar Mitzvah Coordinator or the Executive Director.

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Caterers

The synagogue has contracted with a panel of caterers. Their names, addresses and phone numbers appear on the list at the back of this brochure.

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Bakeries

Also included at the back of this brochure is a list of approved bakeries that maintain a current Kosher certificate. Before using any of these bakeries, please contact the synagogue office to be sure that their certificates are, in fact, still current. There are times when bakeries choose not to renew their certificate.

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Music For Your Celebration

Although no secular music is allowed in the synagogue on Shabbat, Jewish music, presented live, is welcome to be played either Friday evening at the Oneg Shabbat or Saturday afternoon following services (or during Kiddush). If you are having a Saturday evening or Sunday reception at the synagogue, you may engage any band or D.J. of your choosing. If you are planning a Saturday evening reception, music cannot begin until after Havdalah.

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Photographs

Many families would like to schedule a photographer to record the special memories of their celebration. Please remember that no photography or videography is allowed anywhere in the synagogue or on synagogue grounds during Shabbat. Therefore most families plan a photo session on Mondays, Tuesdays or Wednesdays in the evening, or any time during the day Monday through Thursday, or Friday morning. If you wish to include the Rabbi in your pictures, his availability most weeks is limited to Thursday morning after Minyan, Tuesday evening and sometimes Friday mornings. Please call the Rabbi's secretary to schedule your session if the Rabbi is to be included. Otherwise, you may call the Synagogue office, so that space can be reserved on the synagogue calendar.

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Bima Decorations

The Bar/Bat Mitzvah family supplies the bima flower arrangements or Mitzvah baskets that are used Friday night and Saturday morning. You may use your favorite florist or anyone else of your choosing.

We encourage families to consider using Mitzvah Baskets in lieu of flowers on the bima. These baskets must contain only nonperishable Kosher products. You can also make arrangements through TBI's Women's League for Decorated food baskets. The baskets can then be donated to the Mitzvah Pantry or to any organization of your choice. Call the Bar/Bat Mitzvah Coordinator to find out the current price of the basket and to place an order. All profits from the Women's League baskets will be donated to various food pantries.

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Oneg Shabbat and Saturday Kiddush

Our policy at TBI is that Bar/Bat Mitzvah families share their child's special day with the congregation by sponsoring the Friday evening Oneg and the Saturday morning Kiddush. Your Friday Oneg MUST BE PAREVE. Following Saturday morning services the congregation and your guests come together to celebrate Kiddush.

There are a number of options available for you and your family to celebrate a ?PAREVE!? Oneg and/or Kiddush.

You, as the family, provide all food, drinks, and paper goods as described in the following pages.

The Synagogue can provide all food, drinks and paper goods as per the attached fee schedule which may change over time.

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Kiddush Possibilities For A Shared Bar/Bat Mitzvah Date

When you meet with the Bar/Bat Mitzvah Coordinator or Executive Director (when there is a double, both families meet together) different scenarios will be discussed. Some examples are: an extended Kiddush sponsored by both families where the congregation and your guests are invited; a congregational Kiddush to include the congregation and your guests followed by a private luncheon for your guests only, either at TBI or elsewhere.

Use of either Auditorium for a private luncheon or an evening reception will be on a first come, first serve basis. A non-refundable deposit of $250 is due at the time of booking. Please be aware that only one private luncheon or evening dinner dance reception can be accommodated.

If two families request the facility at exactly the same time, the tie will be broken by a coin flip.

The family booking the facility must be in good standing, i.e., not delinquent on financial obligations to TBI at the time the family reserves the facility and continuing up until the actual date.

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Type Of Food Served

The food served for an Oneg and Kiddush usually consists of pick-up sized pieces of danish and pastries of your choosing from our approved kosher bakery list, along with coffee, tea, and other beverages. On Saturday a challah needs to be provided by the Bar/Bat Mitzvah family for the Motzi. You may also use prepackaged baked goods as long as they are identified as Kosher with a OU. Please remember that only pareve items may be used at the Friday night Oneg.

If you choose, you may expand either the Oneg or Kiddush with more varieties and quantities of foods. When doing this we refer to it as extended Oneg, and/or an Extended Kiddush. Typically, most families wishing to do one of these will usually plan for an Extended Congregational Kiddush.

Some items which may be included in an Extended Kiddush:

salads (tossed, white fish, egg, tuna, pasta)
small sandwiches (bagel stuffed with lox spread, small rolls stuffed with one or more varieties of salads)
fresh fruit bowl
herring in wine and/or sour cream
platters of cut-up vegetables
kugels
danish
coffee, tea, punch, sodas, apple juice
additional challah

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Areas To Be Set Up For Oneg and/or Kiddush

For a regular Friday night Oneg and Saturday Kiddush three to four tables are set up in the auditorium. There is no rental fee.

If you choose to do an Extended Kiddush (i.e., a lunch buffet), you will probably want to contract with one of the caterers on the panel If you would like to arrange for a private Extended Kiddush for family and friends in another room, then you will still need to provide a regular Kiddush for the congregation. The Bar/Bat Mitzvah Coordinator will work with you and your caterer on room set-ups. The Congregational Kiddush to which everyone in the building is invited will begin immediately after the conclusion of the service and shall take place in one of the two auditoriums. If you are having a private luncheon, it shall begin at the conclusion of the Congregational Kiddush.

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Who Prepares The Food?

You may prepare the food yourself with the volunteer assistance of family and friends under the supervision of a synagogue Meshgiach (we can give you the names), or you may hire a caterer from our approved panel of approved kosher caterers. Anyone hired to help with your Extended Kiddush/luncheon must be from the panel of caterers. These are the only vendors approved to work in our kitchen. If you are ordering completed platters from the caterer, you may have a group of synagogue members serve and clean up. Because of our agreement with our caterers, you may not hire someone other than the caterer to serve food supplied by one of our caterers.

If a caterer is used he/she should be prepared to supply all china, utensils, trays, etc., since ours are not available to outside vendors.

Trays prepared by the family should be finished no later than 3:00 pm on Friday, and each tray must be clearly labeled with the family name and whether it is for Friday or Saturday. Again, remember that Friday must be Pareve.

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If I Prepare The Food, What Do I Need?

At a small cost to the family, the synagogue provides the grape juice and wine for Kiddush. At least two months, but no later than one month prior to your event, you should meet with the Bar/Bat Coordinator or Executive Director to discuss your Oneg and Kiddush and schedule the items for use that you need. In that way they can be ready for you at the time you wish to use the kitchen to prepare.

The family makes arrangements for all food, condiments, and refreshments, along with all disposable items, which are listed below:

disposable trays
coffee (a one-pound can serves 50) commercial drip grind (we recommend using decaf for Friday night)
tea bags (regular and decaf)
creamer (preferably pareve for Friday night)
sugar (preferably in packets)
non-sugar substitute (e.g. Sweet 'N Low, Equal, Splenda)
lemons (cut up for tea)
tin foil and/or saran wrap (to cover your trays of baked goods) probably 2 boxes of either one
doilies for trays, a box each of large round and large oblong
napkins (cocktail size, and regular size for High Kiddush)
styrofoam cups for hot
plastic cups for cold
stirrers
sodas (large plastic bottles)
table cloths for all tables
plastic spoons and/or forks depending upon the type of food

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Who Makes The Coffee, Sets Out The Food, and Cleans Up?

For a regular Oneg or Kiddush, once the trays are made, covered, and marked for Friday or Saturday, our custodian will set them out at the appropriate time together with the coffee, tea, and all condiments. Our custodian will clean up everything else and put things away.

For a self prepared Oneg or Kiddush please discuss your set up and clean up with the Bar/Bat Mitzvah Coordinator. If you want to take the leftovers home, you may return to the synagogue on Sunday for pick up. It is wise to leave a detailed list, along with a diagram of where the different foods and platters are to be placed, with the custodian, preferably on the kitchen counter.

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Food Quantities

For a regular Oneg Shabbat and for a regular Kiddush, you will need the following as a minimum for each:

3 miniature pick up pieces of pastries per person
one piece of sliced cake per person
3 to 4 ounces of fruit per person
one 2-foot challah or two small ones

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Kitchen Use

The use of the kitchen for approximately one day's preparation prior to the weekend is at no charge. There is a daily charge for other day's uses. You must reserve time in the kitchen so that we can calendar appropriately and a Meshgiach can be chosen.

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Deliveries

All bakery deliveries should be made by noon on Friday. All trays must be ready no later than 3:00 pm on Friday.

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Congregants & Guests

On Friday night it is usually wise to anticipate about 50 congregants who regularly attend services. On Saturday there are 50 to 60 plus about 15-20 from junior congregation. We usually use the number of 75 for a total.

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Other Life Cycle Events at the Synagogue

The synagogue may be fortunate to share in other simchas as well, such as baby namings and/or an Auf Ruf. The synagogue office will ask the family how many guests they expect to attend. If there are 10 or more, the family is encouraged to share in the Kiddush. This will be done with your full knowledge and participation in the planning.

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Evening Reception

Please be aware that only one evening dinner dance reception can be held at a time.

If you are planning to use our facilities for your Saturday evening reception, or a Sunday reception, then you must contact the office to reserve the room(s) and pay a deposit of $250 per room required to hold the reservation.

Two meetings with the Bar/Bat Mitzvah Coordinator or Executive Director are encouraged. The first to be at least six months in advance of your date to go over the concept of your celebration, and then at least two months in advance to plan the details. However, you may schedule a meeting at any time to help put your ideas together.

The caterer, band, photographer/videographer, and florist must be sent contracts by TBI which are to be signed, returned to TBI and kept in your file. The caterer is responsible for a refundable security deposit as well as a fee for using the kitchen. The Bar/Bat Coordinator and/or Executive Director will go over all of these details with you.

WHAT TIME CAN MY EVENING RECEPTION BEGIN?

On Saturday evenings, your reception cannot begin until after Havdalah, which is one hour past the time of sundown on the previous Friday evening. However, if you wish to begin earlier you must follow the following rules:

Only pre-prepared foods may be served.
Only Jewish music may be played.
A Havdalah service (ceremony) must be held after sundown prior to beginning the regular reception.

Our family would like to have a private catered luncheon following services. Is that possible?

Of course. An appointment with the Bar/Bat Mitzvah Coordinator or Executive Director will answer all your questions.
I'm sure I will think of many other questions as my plans develop.

You are encouraged to call as many times as necessary in order to feel comfortable with all your arrangements, and to ensure that this day is completely relaxed for you and your family. Only the Bar or Bat Mitzvah is allowed to be a little bit nervous!

DATE IS ASSIGNED	Contact the Bar/Bat Mitzvah Coordinator or Executive Director if you wish to reserve the facility for a private luncheon or evening reception.
ONE YEAR BEFORE	Begin lessons. The Cantor will call to set up an appointment. Contact the Educational Director to discuss your child's individual mitzvah project. Begin attending services in main sanctuary as a family. Eighteen services are the minimum requirement for the year.
SIX MONTHS BEFORE	Update the Educational Director as to the progress of the Mitzvah project.
FOUR MONTHS BEFORE	A representative from TBI's ?Messenger? will contact you about an article about your child.
THREE MONTHS BEFORE	Meet with Bar/Bat Mitzvah Coordinator or Executive Director (along with other family, if double) to plan Oneg, Kiddush and finalize private reception if applicable.
TWO MONTHS BEFORE	Meet with the Rabbi regarding your child's speech. Provide a picture and biography of your child for The Messenger. You will be contacted for this information.
TWO WEEKS BEFORE	Final meeting with the Rabbi
SHABBAT BEFORE	Be a greeter for the family before yours.
MONDAY BEFORE	Give the Rabbi's secretary the aliyah information.
THURSDAY AM BEFORE	Child is called to Torah for aliyah.
THURSDAY PM BEFORE	Final rehearsal with Cantor and child leads evening Minyan service.
SHABBAT	MAZAL TOV!

Education: Religious School | Bar/Bat Mitzvah | Special Programs | Camp TBI